Honestly

Honestly,

I miss blogging.  I miss my friends here.  And I really need to find some balance in my life again.

I haven't quit smoking, I did set a new date for Wednesday.

I want to start posting again.  But more likely once a week than once a day. 

Laying it all out there

Funny thing about blogs, we get to edit our lives.  We share only what we chose to share.

For the past two weeks, I haven't shared a thing. 

My excuses: I work away from home, a family business that is super super busy right now.  The twins have been playing baseball, which my dear hubby is coaching.  Oh and dear hubby started a new job, which makes things a little crazy too.  Plus little man is having a terrific transition from being two to three.  (this morning I found him after he poured dish detergent in the toilet, flinging toilet bubbles at the puppy). And the last thing I want to do at night is get back on a computer.

And then I feel guilt: for not writing, for being a one year blog, for not laying it all out there, for disappointing those who do read faithfully, for not reading others.

This morning it hit me.  I started this blog a year ago in secret.  I didn't start it for readers, I started it for me and somewhere along the way I got sidetracked.  Not that I don't love comments and followers.  That is just not why I started.  Blogs can change, transform, morph, grow, digress.  It happens.  No one is paying me to write, I write because I enjoy it.  I no longer enjoyed it when it became like a job and I felt guilty for not doing so. 
I am a mommy writer who wants to track the milestones of her children.  Those moments that you always want to remember, but know you won't if you don't capture them in some way.  Those are the moments I want to write about.
Along the way I started writing about other stuff to - because I am also a person away from a mom.  I realized I am kind of lost as that person right now.  I've decided to make a few changes in my life.

On June 1, 2010 I will breathe free.  For all you non-smokers that means I'll have my last cigarette on May 31st and actually quit for the 101st and final time.  I need to do it, I have tried to do it, I've done it before.  But this time for good.  For all of you gasping at my demise. I know.  For those of you who are closet smokers, remember I know who some of you are, and I won't hate on you when I quit.

On June 7, 2010 I am starting the couch to 5k program.  I want to run.  I've played sports, but somewhere in the last few years, I've become not a couch potato per say but a slacker for sure.  I want to be able to run with my children again without losing my breath. 

I also want to lose 15 lbs that I have put on in the last 1 1/2 years (did you know you can actually feel your metabolism change).  I've been virtually the same size for 15 years (minus a couple of pregnancies) and this sloth that I have turned into recently is really not me.  I used to be in such great shape.  I am working my way back into pilates and eating correctly.  No diet here, just awareness and more of doing what I know is good for me.

It is really hard to lay all of this out there.  But here it is.  I will share my journey and the journey of my children.  But I am not going to write like it is my job anymore.  I can't.  I have a job, or two, or three.  I don't need another.  I hope you stay with me, but if you don't, I understand that too.

with my heart on my sleeve
MamaO

The Happiness Project: Little League

Watching my boys play baseball (although I never get them both in the same action shot)

Forget the terrible twos, it is the TERRIFYING threes!

In 26 days little man will turn three.
I would like to skip a whole year ahead now. 

People say - ohh it's the terrible twos.  Why yes it is.  It is even more terrible when your son is so tall he looks like a four year old and people expect him to be well behaved. 

When he is stomping his foot and telling me no (in a not so quiet voice).  I look at the woman shaking her head at me and say - "he is two."  Automatically this know-everythng-about-motherhood- woman changes her whole expression and smiles while saying, "this too shall pass."

She's right.  It does pass.  As slow as molasses pours from a jar. 

Only it doesn't pass on to better things, it actually gets worse.

It turns into the terrifying threes.  I figured out why they call them terrifying when the twins were three.  The think they are invincible and have found their voice.  It makes for some dangerous situations and loud tantrums.  There are many moments I have blocked from memory, just because the trauma was too much for my brain.

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. ~Robert Gallagher

FFC: Today is National Arbor Day

Today is National Arbor Day - so of course it is going on Friday's Featured Cause!  (if you want a cause featured please use the button on the side of this page).

What is National Arbor Day you ask - well Arbor Day is a nationally-celebrated observance that encourages tree planting and care. Founded by J. Sterling Morton in 1872, it's celebrated on the last Friday in April.

Trees have more benefits than most people imagine.  Let's take the young dogwood I have in my front yard.  It was planted for looks by the people who owned the property before us.  They had no idea what good it would do for us.

• This year my 6 inch diameter, flowering dogwood tree will reduce atmospheric carbon by102 pounds. Considering a mid size sedan that drives 12,000 miles in a year emits 11,000 lbs of CO2, we can use all the help we can get.
• My dogwood will intercept 367 gallons of stormwater runoff this year.  Stormwater is a huge source of run off pollution containing oil, gasoline, salt, trash, etc and sends it into our lakes and streams.  My dogwood will collect a lot of that!
• My dogwood will conserve 21 Kilowatt / hours of electricity for cooling.  Just by being well placed, it shades the eastern side of my house and allows cooling to occur naturally.

There are other benefits too, like air quality and property value.  All from a young dogwood.  Imagine what larger trees do for us.  (if you want to know go to the arbor day calculator and plug in your location, tree, and its size.  That is what I did)

The Arbor Day Foundation has all kinds of resources for children through adults about trees and protecting our planet.  I donated $10 last month and received 10 seedling trees to plant around my yard (you can also have 10 trees planted in a forest).  The kids and I will be planting them this weekend in celebration.

Other ways to celebrate are to learn more about trees in your area, have a trivia contest, go on a hike and identify trees along the path.  Encourage the education about trees to others and we will be able to keep our world healthier for a longer period of time.

He who plants a tree

Plants a hope.

~Lucy Larcom, "Plant a Tree"

Venting is good for the soul

• i hate the terrible twos
• i'm not ready for the terrifying threes
• i wish blogger had spell check on it again
• i hate having to spell check
• i love to read a good book, and hate when it is over
• good books suck me in and push the mommy out
• i wish i had more time in my life
• i love all the things i do have time for
• i detest paying bills - not because of money issues, i just detest paying them
• i also detest weeds, and was willing to spend the $10 for black paper to keep the weeds out of my garden (newspaper just doesn't cut it)
• i wish i was a better friend.  i never keep in touch like i should
• on the other hand, crowds scare me
• at the moment i want a nap
• i won't get one
• i don't want a blog that fizzles after a year, and next month is my year
• i wish i had more features for my friday causes.  there are so many good causes
• i hate being pulled in a million different directions
• i love being a mommy (which makes the last one null and void)
• i want new feet - ones that don't crack
• i detest poison ivy - especially at the moment since I apparently kneeled down in it.
• i wish i could run, or had the motivation to run

The Happiness Project: taking a walk

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. ~James Openheim

Join Leigh in the Happiness Project!

Mother in Laws are good for making the kids barf

I have been holding out on everyone.  Mostly out of fear that if I let the cat out of the bag it won't be true.  It's been 2 years and three months since dear hubby had a real job.  He was in commerical construction before the bottom dropped, and his company was one of the first to fall.  I was predicting the collapse 8 months before it happened. 

Anyway - he became a stay at home dad, which was a difficult transition. 
Until 2 weeks ago.
Yes, he got a job, back in construction.  Not as great as it was, but a job! 

I feel weird about it.  But that is for another day.

In the meantime, his mother is watching the boys.  His mother who was conviently laid off about 6 weeks ago.  Typically she watches the kids at our house, but at times she takes them to hers.

Last week a terrible stomache virus went around her house.  Dear Hubby's grandmother got it and ended up dehydrated. 

Fast forward to 12:30 Friday night.  Peacefully sleep inturrupted by screams of a child laying in his own puke.  And hour later, the same screams. At that point I was up and cussing my mother in law.  Poor little man was sick every half hour there after until 4:30 am.  I felt so sorry for him.  Especially when he would look at me and say "mouth ehhhh mouth."

I decided my mother in law was to pay.  I haven't decided how much yet, but 4 1/2 hours loss of sleep must count for something.

What is your mother in law good for?