If I lived in 1955, I'd have broken all the rules!

You know they were.  Your kids know they are.  Even Mama Kat knows we break all the rules.  That's why she asked us to list 10 rules that we "unlearned" for writer's workshop.

I love old things.  1950's I think were such a neat era.  But let me tell you if I lived back then I would have broken ALL the rules, not just ten.

1. 
   
   Ok, I love to cook and this isn't such a bad idea.  I love to plan a good meal out.  However, it is not because of only his needs.  I have 5 mouths to feed in my house and if he's late for dinner, we don't wait.
2. 
   
   Make-up?  What stay at home mom wears make up on a daily basis.  I sure didn't.  I have just been with some house weary kids, he got to escape.
3. 
   
   I can be a little interesting.  Let me tell you how "your son" decided he could feed the fish his bologna sandwich today.
4. 
   
   Just close your eyes and you won't see the clutter anymore.

5. 
   
   Kids ought to be able to pick up their own crap.  I am not their maid.  And I just used the dustcloth to wipe up the 2 year old's pee off the kitchen floor.
6. 
   
   When might I ask, do I get to unwind?
7. 
   
   Minimize the noise?  If I had a mute button don't you think I would have used it 4 hours ago when they were clawing each other's eyes out.
8. 
   
   This I agree with.  I am always deleriously happy to see my hubby.  Especially when he rescues me from the children.
9. 
   
   I greet him with a huge smile, but not out of a desire to please him.
10. 
    
    The only thing more important than our children is if he got fired.
11. 
    
    His world of strain?  Not that I'm saying all jobs are easy, but stay at home mom's take the cake anyday of the week!
12. 
    
    I try to make my home tranquil for me.  I'm the one living with all boys!
13. 
    
    When is the best time to tell him the stove caught fire?
14. 
    
    I don't complain if he goes out, it just means next time it's my turn.
15. 
    
    If it's not bedtime, no one gets to relax.
16. 
    
    Please tell me a grown man can take off his own shoes.
17. 
    
    Master of the house !?!?!?!?!
18. 
    
    I'll be damned.

Bedtime? Who wants to go to bed? Other than me?

My assignment from Mama Kat was to write a bedtime story to enter in the contest for GoodNite Contest (winner gets $2500).  I could seriously use $2500, and I love a good bedtime story.  If you want to enter the contest and/or join writers workshop - go see Mama Kat.  She has all the details!!!

Bedtime is supposed to be about routines and calming your child.  It doesn't always work that way.  There were many nights that I sat in the twins room making up stories to soothe them to sleep.  The whole time I was wishing I was vegging on the couch watching Grey's.  I've decided to incorporate one of my stories into Iggy's.  (Now I just have to shorten it to meet their standards ;)

Iggy lay in his bed after his most recent baseball game. He couldn’t go to sleep. All he could think about was the game and how everything went wrong. Iggy tossed and turned because he couldn’t stop being frustrated with himself. If he had only hit the ball further, if he had stepped on the plate instead of on the line Iggy’s team could have won the game. Iggy didn’t know how to stop being frustrated with his own mistakes.

Iggy started to think about Babe Ruth and began to relax. Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player of all time. Babe Ruth never got frustrated in a game, he was able to hit it out of the park. Iggy was wishing he was Babe Ruth as he drifted off to sleep.

Well after all the stars had come out, Iggy suddenly woke to a knock at his window. Who could it be he thought. Sluggishly Iggy went to the window and looked out. Stunned, Iggy’s mouth dropped open as he saw Babe Ruth in his backyard. The Babe Ruth!

Babe Ruth asked Iggy, “Can you come out here for a minute?”

Too amazed to speak, Iggy slowly crawled out the window and onto the cool summer grass.

“I’ve heard you are getting frustrated on the field.” Said Babe.

Iggy could only nod.

“Baseball is supposed to be fun, you shouldn’t be getting frustrated.”

Iggy immediately defended himself, “I am having fun, I just want to do everything right and when I make a mistake I get mad.”

Babe Ruth looked down at Iggy and smiled, “It sounds like you have a real passion for the game. You remind me a lot of myself at your age. Did you know I used to get frustrated with my own mistakes.”

“You never made mistakes, you’re the best of all time!”said Iggy.

“Oh I made mistakes alright. I wasn’t born a baseball player, I had to learn and practice like everyone else. Talent will only get you so far son.”

“You mean you had to go to practice just like me?” responded Iggy.

“Of course I did. Even when I went pro, I still had to go to practice. Do you want to know a little secret?”

“Yes”

“Even as a pro baseball player, I struck out more times that I made home runs.”

“Really? How come you never got mad at yourself?”

“Oh, I did, but I learned a little trick. I kept a penny in my shoe, and when I got mad, I’d grind my cleat into the ground pretending to smush the penny. That way I could quickly put my focus back on the game without being mad at myself or others on my team.”

“Do you think that will work for me?”

“It might. I brought you a special penny of your own.” Said Babe as he handed over an old penny.

“It’s from 1927! That’s the year you broke the record and were the first person to hit 60 home runs in one season!” said Iggy.

“Yes it is. Hopefully you’ll think of me when you’re out on the field. Remember that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone strikes out, even the Great Bambino.”

“I will Mr. Ruth, I will.”

“You better get on to bed son, it will be morning soon and you have practice today.”

“Thank you!” said Iggy as he climbed back through the window. Iggy knew something magical had happened tonight. He knew he would always carry a penny in his cleat, and a soothing calm washed over him.

Weaknesses, I don't have any weaknesses!

Ask someone who loves you what one of your weaknesses are.  That's what Mama Kat said to do for this week's Writer's Workshop.  Who wants to do that? (well if you want to - go play along here).

I didn't want to - and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask my husband what my weakness is.  He'd come up with a whole darn list. Then I'd have to defend myself against all his crap leading to an epic battle of good verses evil.

I'd like to stay married, so no thanks.  I did however ask my best friend, who loves me no matter what.

Me:  I'm working on a project - need to ask you, What is my weakness?
BFF: You want to help everyone.  What is the project?
Me:  Why is helping everyone bad? Nope, not telling the project.
BFF: I think it is good to help people, just you need to take care of you too.

Well.  I guess it could have been worse.  She could have said my weakness was dirty old men.

Honestly - I know all they psyh crap that Oprah shows every week.  Mom's don't take care of themselves enough.  We need to put ourselves first.  If we don't take care of ourselves, we won't be able to take care of anyone else.  BLAH BLAH BLAH.

She is my best friend and she is right.  I have extreme issues with doing anything for myself.  I shut right up when she said it.  I didn't want to talk about it anymore with her, because she knows me best.  And she'll argue with me.

You guys, well, you guys can't argue until I actually post this.  So I get to voice my opinion first.

Helping people is not a weakness.  I love to help people.  I love to be a Mommy and care for my family.  I love to care for those outside of my family.  I will go out of my way to help someone who needs it under one condition.  They help someone else when they are able.  If you are a lifesucker (meaning you suck the life out of others) then sorry- no can do.

I give of myself because I enjoy it.  Yes, there are times when I get run down - exausted - a little frazzled.  But those times are worth it.  I was born to be a mom, to give to others, to take care of others.

So what if I believe others should come first.  Why is that a big deal?  Why is it a big deal that I only own 2 pairs of jeans, if I am able to make sure my children have enough.  I can wash my own, and mine don't get as dirty.  Why is it a big deal that I skip my trips to the dentist to send the kids?  I believe that if my family and those around me are taken care of- then that is all that matters.  I make do because I want to, not because I have to.

After stating my case I disagree, giving to others is not my greatest weakness.  (I still love you BFF).  I may need help from time to time taking care of me, but not too often to worry.  I believe my greatest weakness are those new Reese's Whipped. What's yours?

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ~Confucius

Dear MamaO

Dear MamaO -

I know that you don't have it so easy right now.  You married into this family - and for better or worse you are putting up with it.  You are not one to walk away from a situation unless nothing else can be done.  And in that sense you are so much like me.

You often wonder, if I were there right now, what would I do.

First, I'd steal the bread you just buttered off your plate.

Then I'd put all these people in their place.  I may bail them out, but I do not suggest you do it.  I would bail them out to keep a roof over my head, remember I lived there too.

You are strong, stubborn, and the woman for the job.  That's why I hired you when I could.  Do not bail on the now.  Keep making them face their issues and stand on their own feet.  If they don't stand on their own feet now, they never will. 

And love your husband for me.

Love, Pop-Pop

PS. That little man of yours should've been named J.A.

Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt : Write a letter to yourself from someone who has passed on. (ie: parent, grandparent, famous person, friend, pet, etc) from Writer's Workshop.  If you ever need inspiration, or just want to read a bunch of cool stuff on the same topic - go check her out.  Do it now!

In all my 30 years of Christmas...

Thirty years of Christmas presents is a lot of gifts, if you include my birthday and any other random gift I've gotten, well that is a WHOLE LOTTA GIFTS!
And Mama Kat wants me to describe a funny or favorite gift that you’ve gotten or have given.

So I was thinking - I talked about the pink jambox the other day in my questions post.

Did I tell you about the year (yes it was the 80's) that I got the black and white polka dot hammer pants I was dying for?  That was the one and only time my mother actually got me exactly what I wanted clothes wise.  And I was thrilled - they went great with my pink sweater.  I even have a picture of me modeling them that Christmas morning.

There was also the year that I got a bicycle!  I had to follow clues and hunt for it.  I was so excited - even if it was green. 

But my favorite, I think it is coming this year!  I am so excited about the gift for the boys.  It is a super duper suprise and it won't fit under the tree.  Hopefully it will all pan out according to plan, and if it does - the look on their faces will be great!!!  I can make them go on a treasure hunt around the house like I did, or maybe I'll just leave directions to go look on the back porch.

What should I do?

Christmas is sights, especially the sights of Christmas reflected in the eyes of a child.--William Saroyan

how an introduction changed my life

There are moments in our lives that change us forever. Sometimes they are small, sometimes they are large. You may or may not know your world is changing, but however it happens we are changed.

Mama Kat (by way of Leslee) asked us to "Describe in 1000 words or less a time when something happened and you knew that life would never be the same."

My moment occurred by way of an introduction. I was laying in my hospital bed when a man walked in and introduced himself.

"Hello. My name is Dr. Ohlmstede, I am a pediatric cardiologist."

My first thoughts were along the lines of "oh, shit!"

I knew in that moment my world was changed forever.

I was alone at the hospital, the day after giving birth to our youngest son. My husband had gone out to get lunch, and I was enjoying a nap. The pediatrician on call had told me earlier in the day, that she heard a heart murmur on our son, but that it was probably the normal DA closing off and not to worry. Amazingly enough I didn't worry. Until I saw the "pediatric cardiologist."

"A pediatric cardiologist" are words no mother should ever have to hear.

I immediately knew something was really wrong with our son. I knew that this wasn't going to be good and I fought back tears and emotion so I could hear what he was saying. Amazingly, he was the gentlest doctor I'd ever met. He knew that he was delivering a crushing blow to me and he wanted to do it as gently as possible.

He sat down next to the bed and explained that after hearing the murmur, the pediatrician had ordered a echo-cardiogram to make sure it was nothing out of normal. The echo showed that my son indeed had a heart murmur, due to a heart defect called Ebstein's Anomaly.

At that point I started to crumble. I wanted my husband there to go through this moment with me, but I was all alone. I wanted to order the doctor out of our room, so that maybe I could wake up from this bad dream. Unfortunately, I can't make up words like Ebstein's Anomaly in my dreams, and I knew I had to concentrate on what the doctor was saying.

He went on to tell me that birth defects are really common, that they occur in 1 out of every 100 births, and that I didn't do anything wrong.

The waves of shock just kept coming. How could I not know about the possibility of a heart defect. I knew of down's syndrome, and spina bifida, but none of those occur even remotely as often as 1 out of 100. How come my ob never told me?

He kept talking, and I was trying to keep up. Thankfully he was patient with me.

He went on and explained that of all the heart defects, our son had one of the most rare. Ebstein's occurs 1 out of 30,000 and no one knows why.

I should really start playing the lottery.

He wanted to draw a picture of the heart and explain to me what was going on, but didn't have any paper. I gave him the back of my breastfeeding instructions. He explained that Ebstein's Anomaly occurs when the tricuspid valve doesn't close properly. This allows blood to leak back through the valve, and may cause the right atrium to be enlarged. In effect, not enough blood was getting oxygenized before going back into the body.

I wanted more details, I wanted a bigger picture. What did this mean? Would my son have to have heart surgery? Will he .......

Dr. Ohlmstede immediately started to calm the fears that came across my face. My son was not in immediate danger. We would have follow up appointments, and more tests run before anything was done. We would learn what to look for and how to take care of him. He also told me to be careful of what I read on the internet. That their pictures are usually worst case scenario and we didn't have the worst case.

Thank God.

He told me we would have an appointment to come into his office after we were discharged and he would do more tests and show us pictures of our son's heart.

I was grateful for this doctor and how calm he was.

He thanked me for letting him talk to me. He said he knew I would have more questions after I processed everything and that he would come back the next day and talk to my husband and I together. He would go through every question we had. And then he left.

And I crumbled. Life would never be the same.

creative punishments because who likes the same ol' beatings

We are not getting into spanking today - but for the sake of this post - we are leaving it at spanking is boring. 

Besides if I spanked my kids everytime they fought - my hand would be black and blue.  Instead I choose to make them apologize and hug each other.  If they are having a particularly bad day - I make them stand in the front yard and hug for 2 minutes while the neighbors drive by.  Let's just say it does the trick - for a day or so.

Mama Kat asked us to "Describe the best/most creative punishment you have ever given your children or received yourself."

My punishments weren't very creative growing up, even though I wasn't grounded, my father would just talk to me and I would crumble.  Even today, if he were to take that tone, I'd still lose it.  (somethings you never grow out of)

I'm more of the get creative type.  I'm still working on my "most creative punishment."  So far there have been a couple that have come close.

• scrubbing the kitchen floor with a scrub brush
• cleaning walls with a toothbrush after writing on them (he was six and totally knew better)
• a drop of hot sauce (texas pete which is not hot) for lying

Any ideas on the "most creative" punishment?

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Ogden Nash