Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Laying it all out there

Funny thing about blogs, we get to edit our lives.  We share only what we chose to share.

For the past two weeks, I haven't shared a thing. 

My excuses: I work away from home, a family business that is super super busy right now.  The twins have been playing baseball, which my dear hubby is coaching.  Oh and dear hubby started a new job, which makes things a little crazy too.  Plus little man is having a terrific transition from being two to three.  (this morning I found him after he poured dish detergent in the toilet, flinging toilet bubbles at the puppy). And the last thing I want to do at night is get back on a computer.

And then I feel guilt: for not writing, for being a one year blog, for not laying it all out there, for disappointing those who do read faithfully, for not reading others.

This morning it hit me.  I started this blog a year ago in secret.  I didn't start it for readers, I started it for me and somewhere along the way I got sidetracked.  Not that I don't love comments and followers.  That is just not why I started.  Blogs can change, transform, morph, grow, digress.  It happens.  No one is paying me to write, I write because I enjoy it.  I no longer enjoyed it when it became like a job and I felt guilty for not doing so. 
I am a mommy writer who wants to track the milestones of her children.  Those moments that you always want to remember, but know you won't if you don't capture them in some way.  Those are the moments I want to write about.
Along the way I started writing about other stuff to - because I am also a person away from a mom.  I realized I am kind of lost as that person right now.  I've decided to make a few changes in my life.

On June 1, 2010 I will breathe free.  For all you non-smokers that means I'll have my last cigarette on May 31st and actually quit for the 101st and final time.  I need to do it, I have tried to do it, I've done it before.  But this time for good.  For all of you gasping at my demise. I know.  For those of you who are closet smokers, remember I know who some of you are, and I won't hate on you when I quit.

On June 7, 2010 I am starting the couch to 5k program.  I want to run.  I've played sports, but somewhere in the last few years, I've become not a couch potato per say but a slacker for sure.  I want to be able to run with my children again without losing my breath. 

I also want to lose 15 lbs that I have put on in the last 1 1/2 years (did you know you can actually feel your metabolism change).  I've been virtually the same size for 15 years (minus a couple of pregnancies) and this sloth that I have turned into recently is really not me.  I used to be in such great shape.  I am working my way back into pilates and eating correctly.  No diet here, just awareness and more of doing what I know is good for me.

It is really hard to lay all of this out there.  But here it is.  I will share my journey and the journey of my children.  But I am not going to write like it is my job anymore.  I can't.  I have a job, or two, or three.  I don't need another.  I hope you stay with me, but if you don't, I understand that too.

with my heart on my sleeve


  1. I'm glad to see you're back but I can see how busy your life is and how easy it is to get side-tracked with other things.

    A friend of mine mentioned the couch to 5k and now I really want to look into it. What a wonderful goal to have! I'll be anxious to hear your updates!

    As for not smoking anymore, anything you put your mind to, you can do!!!

  2. Blog for the fun of it...when you have time, and when you want to capture a moment. I agree that it's nice to get comments from other folks, but at the end of the day, you have to make yourself (and your family) happy.

    And I hope you won't mind a note on the smoking front. Please know that I say this with the hopes of being inspiring, and not in judgement. Having lost my mom to emphysema when I was 22, I try really hard to think about my health in the context of my girls. I want to be there for them when they're 52. I can't profess to walk the straight and narrow, but I do try to think about that when I don't feel like exercising, or when I feel like eating an entire bag of jelly beans. :)

    All the best,

  3. well good luck - with the smoking AND getting fit! You can do it! I know you can. Hell, if I can run a 5k, anyone can ;)

  4. I'm still here! And GOOD LUCK with quitting smoking!!!! You can do it and it will be so worth it, I swear. I quit back in my mid-twenties, and boy, it was hard, but I'm so freaking glad I did it.

  5. {{{HUG}}} Blogging should be fun not work and when it starts becoming a chore that's when you know it is time for a change. I used to blog every day until it became work for me. So, now I have found a nice balance of doing it a few times a week or when I have time.

    My blogging is also about sharing our journey as a family with a CHD child so I blog the good, the bad and the ugly. It is a way for our kids to look back some day and read my thoughts on things.

    Wishing you lots of luck on quitting smoking. I know what a struggle that can be. Both my parents smoke and my mom has never been able to quit. She has tried on several occasions but can't seem to stick with it. I know that YOU can do it!

  6. I agree with Sefenie, blogging should be fun and not work. I am glad you're back.

    Good luck for the things you have coming up! I look forward to hearing about it more.

  7. Being a working mom is hard - it is so hard to fit in everything! You do what you can. I am also doing the non-diet diet thing right now. So far so good. Just need to be patient.

  8. Shyooot...we all have lives to lead ya know...no explanations needed! I've been absent from here also, been off enjoying my life outside of the computer. I'll be keeping my blog, but like you I won't be doing it all the time. And here's my 2 cents worth of hollering at you to quit smoking!!! :) Guess we'll hit and miss with each other, but always happy to keep up with you!

  9. Fabulous post. It has been 2 months for me... rare. But you have a great perspective on what it is supposed to be about.

    The couch to 5K is a great program, and kind of fun actually. I probably need to start it again to find some sanity in fact. :)

    Have a great, smoke free day!

  10. As a mom of twin boys and a third little guy + hubs = me and four men!, I feel we are kindred spirits!
    Hope the smoke has cleared the building as you willed it!
    I too have tried to take up running, but to no avail. I sure hope you were more successful than me. Instead, I have taken up Zumba! WONDERFULLY FUN! (if u have the chance to try it!)
    I am subscribing to your blog at once.....so get to writing, soul sista!

  11. Wonderful post and I hope your goals are going well!

  12. [...I like one statement in this blog: "No one is paying me to write, I write because I enjoy ...]


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