Can we skip the very first post ever?
I am not very good at firsts.
Each year my mother would take our picture on the first day back to school. I believe she meant to see how we grew, for me it was a imprint forever capturing that horrible back to school blues. I still have the picture from the first day of middle school somewhere. I thought I was cool in my black dress with the colored scarf tied around my waist and shoes that were colored to match the scarf. I went to school thinking I looked great until I realized not another girl in my class was in a dress. We were in middle school, we had gym class now, and there I was in a dress.
There is not a picture of my first day of high school, I have no idea what I wore, although I bet it wasn't a dress. I was up early, scared I would miss the bus to school, scared it would forget me . The bus came and I even asked the driver if this was the bus for West Charlotte (as if it would go somewhere else). She said yes. I took my seat in the middle of the bus, only the third person on it. I watched as we drove around, not sure what to expect, but terrified none the less. We probably only picked up 7 more students, I thought they were all looking at me. Then we joined a line of buses waiting to get to the school when I realized, this was not my school. We were going to another high school, no matter that I had asked the driver, my worst fears were coming true before my eyes. Head down I departed the bus and went searching for the office while everyone I passed knew I didn't belong there. I had to wait for someone to take me to the correct school. A teacher with a free period took 3 of us (two others had the same problem I did, but they didn't speak english) to our correct schools. I arrived 1 hour late, everyone was still in homeroom for a reason I don't know, but am very grateful for. I walked in late - and saw one person I knew. That was all I needed, just one friendly face and maybe it would be alright.
The first time my husband and I became pregnant, it wasn't meant to be. I learned a lot from that first time, how nothing can prepare you for that kind of hurt. The second time we got pregnant, was a little different. We were prepared to lose again, we knew our odds. It was on that fateful day that I had to travel to the doctor alone and have an ultrasound, I wanted everything to be alright, but knew it might not be. I had rehearsed what I would do, who I would call. I was prepared for whatever the doctor said. Except I wasn't prepared to hear "Do twins run in your family?" So focused on not losing another child, I answered yes and went on to explain my uncles were twins, my grandfather a twin. It was not until the pause in which the technician didn't respond that it started to dawn on me, she may be asking for an actual reason, not just to make small talk. I waited a full 15 minutes of silence before I asked why she wanted to know. "Oh" she replied, "you are having twins, just a minute and I'll show you." It is a good thing I was lying down.
So firsts aren't my thing, but I do try to teach my children to persevere. That even though you may not get it right the the first time you keep going back and trying again. I don't know what I am trying to get out of this blog, if anything. I don't know who my audience will be, no one even knows I've started it. But I do know that I enjoy writing and that somewhere I need to write down the moments in our lives that desperately need to be recorded. Not the big moments at the end of baseball season when trophies are given out. The little moments when Nathaniel wanted to slide like to the pros, so he slid into every base or when Tyler hit a line drive and almost took the coach's head off (causing the coach to flinch every time he pitches now). Those are the moments that need to be recorded and now that the "first" one is finished - I'll be able to write more.
To Tina With Love
1 week ago