Friday, August 21, 2009

Stigma of a Young Mom

Why is it that even though we are all Moms we look down upon one another with the most critical eye?

Back to School night is tonight (WHOOHOO back to school) for the twins. They get to go see who their teachers are and how close their classes are. They are entering the 2nd grade and I will be entering the contest to see how old I can look. Somehow there is a group of those who gave birth at 30 or older who seem to look down upon those of us who gave birth in our 20's. Not that anyone would ever ask, but I was told I that by 30 I wouldn't be able to have kids so I started early (and had enough problems). But so what? That doesn't make me less of a Mom.

Maybe it is the fact that although I AM 30, I look 19. I have been blessed with one of those fabulously round faces that still breaks out with acne on a daily basis. This morning I got up and put on my most conservative cool mom clothes and actually put on makeup. Then I asked my loving hubby if I managed to look at least 23, because lets face it, 28 would be pushing my luck.

Maybe I'll go into school tonight and no one will wonder what grade I was in when I had the twins, and maybe I won't care what they think. Maybe I shouldn't try so hard to fit in with the Mom crowd, but as a shy person it is so hard not to be concerned. Maybe one of their teachers will not be old enough to be my mom. Maybe I do look at least 25 today.

Maybe I'm just paranoid.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain


  1. Hey, you should just be glad that you look so young, and tell all the other moms to go shove it! haha :)

    Stopping by from SITS to say hi :)

  2. Great blog, and you are right, age is a state of mind!! Would love your input on a post we just did giving advice to a mom on bed rest with a toddler at home!
    Have a great weekend!
    (from SITS!)
    common sense advice for a complicated world

  3. Hey girl,

    I agree with Katie....Feel blessed about looking young!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog

  4. OH man I have the opposite problem. I'm 28 and I get mistaken for over thirty all the time. I like to tell myself it is because I seem so mature not really because of my looks at all. I started young having kids and I don't think it makes you a better or worse mother.

    Ignore what other people think!

  5. two words: STOP IT RIGHT NOW! okay, that was four. listening to a young-looking mom complain about looking young is like listening to a woman in size 2 pants complain that she can't gain weight. both are BLESSINGS not CURSES! love you! young, old, fat, or skinny, love you! zits don't look so great on this old leather face of mine, but I STILL GET THEM! it's God's version of eternal youth! In addition, I am an 'older' mom and I worry about the looks I get for having a baby at this age, so I get what you are saying, but who cares? They look down on us to feel better about them. Okay, is this my blog or am I commenting? Shutting up now ...

  6. You know what, they're just jealous that you look young!! I will always wonder why other moms judge other moms....we're supposed to be a sisterhood, where we support and encourage one another!!!

    Stopping by from SITS...I also have twins (2 sets, actually!)

  7. Found you through SITS...

    I'm not a mom (just a likely future stepmom) but I've found in life that much of what people are doing when they criticize others is cementing their own personal theories about motherhood. Or any topic, for that matter, but we'll take motherhood in this example. Say someone chooses not to nurse. All of her friends, everyone around her, criticizes her behind her back not because they have any say in what she does or doesn't do...but because they want to constantly affirm, with their friends, that THEY are doing the right thing.

    It's an insecurity. Same as putting down what other people wear or how they act. Secure people don't feel the need to do it because they are secure in who they are and the choices they make.

    Just my naive little take on it...but I'm still trying to figure life out!

  8. Good for you for looking so young! :) Thanks for the follow on twitter. Following you back! Look forward to reading more from you.

  9. Speaking from the Crib - Thank you, and you are allowed to post(comment) here anytime.
    Stephanie - you are not that naive as the subject does cross over to those who are not mommies.
    Katie, Janes, Theta, Helene, Kimi - thank you all for the comments.
    It was because of all of you that I was able to change my perception - or at least have more strength and ignore my fears last night.

  10. Thanks for visiting my blog.

    You know, maybe the older mums are just as insecure - but maybe about other issues.

    As an older mum who is now 42 (eeek!) and my youngest starting Primary 1 (like kindergarten I think?) I am aware that I am not thin/trendy. A few years ago this would have bothered me more, but as I mature (like wine and cheese!!!) I feel more comfortable with myself, but still an ongoing process.

  11. Oh, I feel you. And I think they ARE looking down on you. Not for any good or fair reason, you know, but because everyone always has to have SOMETHING to make them feel better about themselves.

    I'm working on being as open-minded as I can be about the whole situation, because really, if a couple of Mean Girls want to stare me down? Not the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

    Good luck.


YIPEE! You decided to comment on me!