Wednesday, July 29, 2009

poop stories

WARNING: Post not for the faint of heart.

Everyone is talking about poop these days. I've been reading all these blogs about potty training, and boys who don't tell you when they poop, and even exploding poop. A lot of these have brought me to tears with laughter. For a laugh of your own check out I can't turn my back for one minute. So after hearing about poop, inspiration struck and I decided to write a few of our own poop stories. Again these are from three boys, so not for the faint of heart - but I will also explain what happens when you leave a huggies diaper in a pool as a side note.

Our most recent poop story happened just a few months ago to poor little Bradley. I was cooking dinner in the kitchen while my husband was out. Nathaniel came in and said "Mommy, Morgan pooped on the floor." Now at the word Morgan, I knew what had happened as this was our pup in training, and the next words out of my mouth were going to be go get a papertowel. Only my thoughts were interrupted, and I never actually heard the word floor, I just assume that is what he said. Interrupting all thought processes within the house was this blood curdling scream that immediately indicates that someone is really hurt. (amazing how Mom's can tell the difference in screams of pain, verses he's bugging me).
I run into the living room to find Bradley, standing over the poop, with his hand (that is covered in poop) trying to get the poop out of his mouth, which of course is only making things worse. EWWW, so GROSS!!!
I scoop him up and deposit him in the tub fully clothed and commence to half drowning him while I try to rinse the poop out of his mouth so that he will stop screaming. EWWW!!! Eventually his mouth is clean and I strip him down for a bath now that we have poop splatter everywhere. EWWW!

When the twins were about a year old, they got a stomache virus from beyond. I felt so sorry for them as they were pouring from both ends. At one point I picked Tyler up and he threw up straight down the inside of my shirt (so much for v-necks). For days we suffered through pedialite and diaper cream, and lots and lots of changes of clothes - for all of us. Towards the end of it is when the poop art occured. They twins had finally made it through the night without getting sick and I was thrilled to have a full night's sleep. I heard them laughing as they woke up and I went in to get them out of their cribs. Apparently Tyler wasn't quite finished with the illness. He had pooped a nice bit, and then decided to take off his diaper and spread it all over the rails of the crib. Of course we had the cribs with the nice ornate bars with all these crevices that are great for getting poop stuck in. I was scrubbing that thing for HOURS!

Now we'e all heard of swimmies, you know the diapers for going in the water. But as a new Mom and Dad, we didn't know the real reason why. Someone had given us some when the twins were little, but they were so expensive I didn't want to buy more. The twins had a small kiddie pool, I figured what could a diaper hurt. What could a regular diaper hurt. Only the whole pool. Apparently when immersed in water a disposable diaper swells, and swells, and swells until it bursts at the seams. Inside are what look like little clear plasticy rolly pollies. And they go everywhere into the water. We had to drain the whole pool, trying to collect as many of those little suckers as we could to deposit them in the trash. (I'm sure we didn't want the kids to pick them up and eat them!). It was awful! Moral, either splurge for the swimmies or buy a plastic diaper to put over the huggies.

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

1 comment:

  1. What? No one has commented on this post - this is hilarious! I'm so glad that someone else has a good sense of humor about poop :)

    Thanks for visiting my blog and saying 'hi'. It means the world to me.


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