Thursday, October 8, 2009

hemorrhoids and other crap that happens after/during pregnancy

If you are preggo or trying to get preggo - DO NOT read this blog. Really.

Today I want to complain about all the crap they do not tell us when we are trying to get pregnant or are pregnant, because yes 2 1/2 years later I am STILL feeling the effects.

No one said
  • that my bladder would become a stomping ground and therefore any time a baby jumped I'd pee myself. Fabulous when this happens for the first time while your in public and haven't learned to pack a change of clothes yet. Fabulous that childbirth doesn't automatically fix the problem.
  • that with multiple babies in my belly I would have so little room to breathe or eat. I understood it would be cramped, but never have I had to sit so straight and breathe so shallow while trying to feed my face.
  • that my ankles would swell so large I'd have to buy larger shoes and eventually larger sandals would be the only thing that would fit. They also didn't say how this swelling would follow on up my legs into my calves.
  • that after giving birth you look like you have a beer gut.
  • that you will no longer know how not to sleep on your side with a pillow holding your stomach.
  • that if you push out a 9lb 4oz baby you are going to have hemorrhoids, and that even if they don't show up immediately they will - and they will hurt so bad you cry, and you won't be able to sit and you will dread going to the doctor.
Am I forgetting anything?
Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes. ~Joyce Armor

17 comments:

  1. Hmmm that sounds familiar. I hate my Mummy tummy. And the peeing thing? I would annoy my ex so much, he'd just shut the front door, we'd get to the end of our street (of 10 houses), and I'd have to go back to go to the loo. My shoe size went up one and has stayed after my son.

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  2. Oh and that is only the beginning! And in my case even though I'm small there is still the loose skin that doesn't go away.

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  3. Hmmm... My hair went from straight to having weird.. not curls, but a big crimp in the back. Change of my periods, the beer gut, the stretch marks, the abhorance of the toothpaste I used to love, not being able to eat tuna anymore because I ate too much 3 yrs ago during my last pregnancy... I could go on... and on...

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  4. OMG, the twin skin kills me...i could lose all the weight i gained with all three kids and still look like i have a beer belly from all the stretched out skin that has relocated itself to my lower belly...the c-section scar just acts as a shelf for it...the hemmoriods arent my favorite either and I didnt even push any of mine out!! Carry that much weight and you'll have a good chance of getting them too!

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  5. Oh I forgot about that, the food going off of. I can't stand sausages and tea now. Ridiculous. Don't even know why! As for the stretch marks, I used to be the kind of girl who lived in crop tops in the summer, or used to have the last 4 or 5 buttons undone on a shirt. Yeah, not anymore!
    Although one good thing-went from a 34A to a 36 C! Just will not show the bod off to enjoy it!

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  6. i have the tummy. i did suffer hemorrhoids after birth, but they went away after about 2 years. my hair has stopped falling out, but i still have to pee frequently. it's ALL worth it, right? take care.

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  7. One thing you forgot, and the thing that's to blame is the very same thing I speak of: Momnesia ~ You know the phenomenon: Before kids you were able to remember names, dates, multiple schedules and loads of random facts. After kids: Your lucky if you can remember your own phone number. Spots of forgetfullness, short-term memory loss, and loss of focus are just a few of the joys associated with Momnesia. Thanks for stopping by Rook No. 17. I look forward to following your blog, SITSTA!

    Jenn @ rookno17.blogspot.com

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  8. i have named my hemorrhoid HARRY since he's been hanging out of my a** since 2001. don't know what i'd do without him

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  9. Oh that the beer gut....yeah...it is wrinkly and looks like a bulldog inhabited your abdomen. The heartburn, the heartburn is so awful that you eat a box of Tums A MONTH! Am I forgetting anything else? Oh right...and no one looks like a size FOUR after having a baby, that takes LOTS and LOTS of work. LOVE THIS POST!!

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  10. OMG, when I wrote my mission as a Theta Mom, this is the EXACT kind of crap I was describing! Where the hell were the moms to tell me the REAL DEAL before I had a baby? I wish I had a blog and read blogs back then because at least I could prepare myself somehow. Love this post girl!!!

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  11. Oh wow, you are SO on the money with all of those things! Especially the whole bladder issue. To this day, I still cannot sneeze, cough or laugh hard without peeing a little bit in my pants. Seriously gross. I learned this the hard way one day when I called my OB in a panic when I was pg with Cole and Bella. I said, "I'm leaking amniotic fluid so I'm gonna come in right away". He did a swab test and then laughed as he said, "Uh, this isn't amniotic fluid. You're just peeing in your pants a little bit at a time". Nice.

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  12. Lol!!!! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog- I LOVE this! lol. I still sleep with a pillow next to my tummy....2.5 years later. :o)

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  13. I think As for the stretch marks, I used to be the kind of girl who lived in crop tops in the summer, or used to have the last 4 or 5 buttons undone on a shirt. Yeah, not any more!

    eiweibshake

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  14. That you would never, ever sleep deeply again.

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  15. no one told me my boobs would look like gym socks with tennis balls in them after the milk was gone...that would have been nice to know... thank goodness for push up bras!

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  16. When I was about to give birth I asked the nurse if this was the worse the pain was going to get and she told me, NO when the head crowns it will burn really bad. They call it the ring of fire.

    So when the Dr said I see the head, I closed my legs, each time, almost broke my boys neck, because there was NO WAY I wanted to feel that damn ring of fire.

    I had two nurses and two family members using all their might to keep my legs split opne.

    and GUESS WHAT, I DIDN'T FEEL anyTHING!!

    My advise to all who are pregnant, take heed of the advice, but IT DOESN'T mean it will happen to you. lol

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  17. You poor thing! A really good friend of mine said there was only one word to describe pregnancy: gruesome! I'd have to say that she's right...hang in there!

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